It’s easier than you think to make you two strong – we are simple creatures after all… even if you have kids and are feeling tired, forlorn, and unappreciated. These tips will raise your other half’s happiness meter, and that’s what relationships are all about–being happier in them rather than out of them. Right?

5 things for MEN to do:

1. COMPLIMENT HER. Tell her how beautiful she is, in a few different ways, a minimum of five times per week. More is better, but five will do it. Variations: “You’re beautiful,” or “You look great,” or “How beautiful are you?” and “I’m so lucky [quick kiss or long kiss].” This is so easy, you have no excuse to fail at this one. Happiness meter immediately raises. (Minimum frequency: almost once per day)
2. HUG HER. Touch her every day, and not just in bed. Hug her, grab her hand and hold it, stroke her hair, squeeze her lightly around the waist. Happiness meter goes up right away. (Minimum frequency: once per day)
3. ASK HER about her day. Ask her about her day, listen for at least five minutes while asking one or two follow-up questions, and making at least one comment (such as, “That woman is nuts, I can’t believe you have to put up with her,” or “I loved that article you wrote, I agree the government shutdown is atrocious.”). With only a little practice, this becomes easy, and may even feel nice. (Minimum frequency: once every other day)
4. Encourage something of HER OWN. Find out what she likes to do for herself that makes her happy, and encourage it. This may be one or more of the following as an example: joining a book club, running, playing tennis, blogging, or taking a class. This has a double reward: the activity will make her happier, and you are further credited for having taken an interest in her happiness. (Minimum frequency: once every other week, including follow-ups)
5. HELP HER with something around the house, or with the kids. Ask whether you can help her with something and do it: iron something, do the dishes, brush little Johnny’s teeth, make the bed. This goes so far you can’t even imagine. If you are already doing this, then you should be hosting a seminar on it. (Minimum frequency: twice per week, and it still counts if she says, “No worries, I got it.”)

Women talk to each other about these five things. Be high on the list, and she will more likely do your five things (see below). (If nothing else, during an intimate moment (make it happen) tell her some version of what Rick Astley is saying in the song “Never Gonna Give You Up,” not word for word in case she knows the song but close to it is fine, and you’ll still see a massive improvement.)

5 things for WOMEN to do:

1. Please—don’t snap. Please. Never snap or give orders, it’s like yelling at a dog. Learn to say, “Honey, maybe it would be better if….” For example, “Honey, maybe it would be better if, instead of having lighters everywhere where the kids can grab them, let’s just put them all in a jar up here—how’s that?” or “Maybe it would be better if you picked up some more wine for the party, what do you think?” This takes practice, but eventually it’s second nature and you will barely ever fight. (Minimum frequency: best efforts)
2. Show him sympathy. Let him know you know how hard everything is for him, even if you don’t actually think it’s all so hard. For example, “I know your commute is hard on you,” or “I know dealing with your boss is so hard.” This takes almost no practice, just a Poker face. (Minimum frequency: one to two times daily)
3. Seduce him. Put on lingerie and seduce him. Also try to stay slim for him—running is the most useful for this. If you are doing #1 and #2 above, he will watch the kids so you can go running. (Minimum frequency: once every ten days)
4. Know the “ONE THING.” Every guy has one thing that’s important to him. Maybe his “one thing” is having 6 kids (for example this was Brad Pitt’s), or sailing twice a month, playing basketball with the guys, watching the game, golfing on Saturdays, or even just being a superstar at work. Know what his One Thing is and support it. It’s usually a deal-breaker. Men have deal-breakers, but 95% of the time there’s only one of them (phew!).
5. COOK for him. Cooking meals for him lets him know he has not been forgotten or taken for granted. He has a fear of being forgotten or taken for granted. Cooking meals, combined with #1-#4 above, will allay this fear, and he will be happy. (Minimum frequency: three meals per week on average—one can be breakfast where you just wash an apple and pour a glass of OJ for him.)

I hope you men and women out there will benefit from these tips.  If you’re already doing one or more of them, I applaud you and encourage you to continue, or to even step it up a notch.

Let’s all say “I do.” And not just because Ashley Madison is temporarily out of business, but because we care, and heck we’re not quitters.

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